Bittersweet Season

For most people, the holidays are a season filled with pure joy. But for us, Christmas is very bittersweet. Our first set of twins were born and died, on Christmas Eve 2002, due to incompetent cervix. Kenny and Katie were 21 weeks and were simply born too soon. Both babies lived for over an hour. They would be 7 years old this Christmas, had they survived.

Every year the pain lessens, ever so slightly, and now having our precious Konnie, Kaden and Kory, their joy for the season is great medicine for our broken hearts. No on can ever replace the babies we lost, but our precious earth angels help us heal over the deep wounds in our hearts.

Having lost such precious little babies, has forever changed us for the better, in countless ways. We truly appreciate so many things in life that we used to take for granted. Our hearts are more sensitive and soft towards others and their situations. But most importantly, we have grown in our walk with the Lord.

Fortunately, my husband is a man of great faith, and was with me through my darkest hours. He always reminded me when I was grieving the hardest, and angry at God that we no longer had our precious babies with us, that we needed to pray. Kraig would grab my hands and we would get down on our knees and PRAY. Immediately after Kraig began to pray the words out loud, I could feel God's peace and calm washing over me. It was an amazing feeling. As a child I always believed in God, but didn't really have a true personal relationship with Him until after their deaths. I knew God was always with me, every step of the way. I would be driving in my car alone, and hurting so intensely, then a specific song would come on the radio. The song is by FFH and is called "You Found Me." Here are the lyrics.

FFH - You Found Me

I've got nowhere to turn, I've got
nowhere to hide, and I've got no alibi,
You've been following me, you know
my history, and no matter how hard I try,
I can't explain away
The way I feel today
There's only one thing I can say:

(Chorus)
You, You've found me.
You found me and You called me from the wilderness,
From my cave of emptiness,
Yeah, You, You've found me.
You found me in the places of my lonliness
You told me there was more than this,
You captured me with tenderness,
Yeah, You've found me.

There was so many days, trying to
figure out ways to explain what I feel inside,
I tried to fill up my soul without
using control, this desire never did subside,
I'm ready to give in
I know I'll never win
The hide and seek that I've been in

(Chorus)

In the pit of despair, I was all alone there.
I wasn't looking for You, but You found me anyway.
You put Your hand on face, then you changed my ways.
Nothing can separate me from...

(Chorus)


The lyrics were heaven sent for me. This song came on the radio countless times, in moments of great sadness, and simply made me smile. It was a reminder from Him that I wasn't alone and that He loves me.